Saturday, December 5, 2015

I'm Sorry

Our dreams lay at my feet
Like the shattered windows of a home
After it’s been hit by a tornado
Your voice in my head
And your heart in my prayers
All I wanted to say is I’m sorry
But nothing comes out
The toxic pain of our unfinished fairytale
Follows me like a shadow without a purpose
I ask myself how I got here
How a hopeful ‘we’ changed so quickly to
Nothing but a lonely you
And a broken me

I’m sorry

Day dreams haunt my every thought
And the faint, familiar taste of depression
Lays itself on my every tear
I remember the smell of your skin
And the touch of your hands
I know the safety of your arms
And the comfort of your warmth
Stories are written in the palms of the heavens
And their execution tied to every grain of the Earth
Just like the sea has an end we don’t know
And the trees dance to a tune we can’t hear
I realized our story needs its own time to unfold
It needs time to be stitched together, time for clarity
I scraped away at my skin
With broken fingernails in the hope
That I could somehow remove your touch
From my every inch of being
To do what’s right and to
End what is not yet written
Is a pain I don't wish on my worst enemy

To love and know loss
To loose and to know hope
To hope and to know pain
To hurt and to know its presence
To feel and to know its worth
To value and to prepare for the worst
To never be prepared to have your heart broken
And to finally… After all that…. Break
Now I know what a broken soul feels like
Now I know how I wish for just, a broken heart

My love, I am so terribly sorry

May life always find you in good health
And may success never stop knocking on your door
When love fails you, like I have
And when your heart breaks, like I have done to you
May you know it’s not always bad
May you know that sometimes, 
It comes from a good place
May you heal with the strength of a thousand prayers
If a day should come, if I should be so lucky
Where the universe thinks I am made for you
And you for me
I hope our love finds its place in the world
And if not, if this is our end
I hope you find a love so whole
And so terribly fulfilling
That you never have to remember my face
Or my touch, with pain
That you look back with joy
And you’re okay

I wish for you, every happiness 
Every dream to come true
Every whisper to be heard
And every tear to be loved away 


I love you


I’m sorry





Dilz



Thursday, November 19, 2015

Why?

A Predator Of Purity



Days roll into the next and weeks pass
We both know you’re running out of games to play
And routes to take, to try and break my strength
Trust turned to betrayal and only now I realize
That you just needed fresh blood and raw flesh
To feed your hunger for heartbreak
To nourish your starving, tainted soul
Hollow promises you whispered to me in the dead of the night
And by the next morning, a broken mirage of what ifs
These word games you play, these jumbled riddles
Looping through my tired heart like barbed wire
The fierceness of your façade screams at me now
Empty eyes of a man without a purpose
A smile on your face, a mask to hide the shades of your darkness
My naïve soul thought it had found a friend
A place to rest its broken wings and heal it’s tired roots
You spoke of love that seemed bigger than my being
You spoke of depth that even the oceans would be jealous of
And I fell, I let myself fall, in the unknown abyss that is your heart
Or at least the outline of where a heart should have been
The ease with which you changed lanes and left me behind
Not a care in the world, or remorse on your lips
Now I’m left with the pungent taste of your empty kisses
The rancid smell of your skin lingers on me still
Run before it’s too late, they said
Save yourself before you’re in too deep, they said
Oh, but my foolish heart didn’t listen
Their words rolled off of me like glass beads
And now all I stand on are shattered pieces
Trying desperately to sew together gaping wounds
Only after all this time do I recognize your kind
A thief in the night, a predator of purity
A gambler of hearts
A perfectionist at deceit





Dilz






Tuesday, November 3, 2015

You Deserve Me, Like I Deserve You.

Your words lay heavy on my heart
And my soul rests peacefully in your smile
Laced fingers and soft kisses
Stolen glances and forbidden forevers
We made mayhem but we were magic
We made passion, we made secret sin
You speak of a love that I have never known
You look at me with eyes that feel like home
Soulmates don't exist in the realms of reality
But they do exist in the silence between you and me
Conversations till 5 in the morning
Of what this could be and what we could mean
The surity in your voice
Of castles you've built, with dreams of you and I
I deserve you, like you deserve me
Those words you said lay on my skin
Like dewdrops from the rain of our forever
And now I know
Just like a river flows to the sea
Just like caged birds are meant to be free
Like words fail what your eyes have given me





You and I are meant to be





Dilz

Thursday, May 28, 2015

I Hope.

Hushed laughter in quaint ice cream parlors
The way that striped shirt rested 
In the curve of your shoulders
Glances exchanged
And nervousness exhaled
We knew each other for a year
And it took all those months of nothing
To finally find our secret garden of somethings
Riding through quiet lanes
Sharing infinities without even realizing 
You came out of nowhere and my world changed
With your shy smile and quick wit
Your warm hands and full heart
You understood me
And I, you
Our souls danced in the darkness
And our hearts tied themselves into a dream
Our love so forbidden
The world did not understand
Judgmental eyes
And disapproving anger
They will never get it
What you do to me
What I feel when I'm with you
My most beautiful mistake
That secret sin
My comfort now lies
In 20 days of every memory we made
Soft kisses 
And hidden love bites
Old Monk in our veins
We drowned in love
And I came back to life
Every time the phone rang
And I again found solace
In the calm of your voice
And the way you said my name
Or spoke of our future
I miss you now
And I wish our story was understood
I wish they didn't care
And I wish they saw you the way I do 
But if ever
In a different time
Under different circumstances
Our story can still be told with truth
And with the love it deserves
I hope you will still knock on my door
And I hope against all odds
When that day comes,
They welcome you with arms of joy
And the grace to know that you are mine. 








Dilz 

Monday, April 13, 2015

I Broke My Own Heart.

The first showers of this year
Have found their place
In the crevices of old pavements 
In the curves of dusty leaves
Little pieces of my mixed up soul
Lay like crystal on my skin
At the depth of little droplets
I lay to rest this year of pain
These long months of loneliness
And dried up hurt on my pillow
My mind still drifts 
To a place where your memory still exists
The place where that wedding dress
Is hanging right near that home
And all those whispered I love yous
In all these months 
My phone didn't ring once
I planned for your weak moments
But they never did come
I've forgotten what you look like now
And my heart is learning to forget your touch
Accepting truth has been my greatest achievement 
In the light of my loss of you
Sitting at old tea stalls
Wondering what I missed
And where I missed it
Standing at bus stops
And tears roll down without warning 
Hiding my pain in long sweater sleeves 
Knowing now, you never loved me
Oh baby, what a fool for you I'd been
Promises you spewed like they were nothing
And my naive soul fluttering 
At the thought of all that you could mean
So quickly I let myself fall 
So many of your tests 
I was willing to work to pass
Ignoring the words you spoke
Of how my weakness was unlovable 
How I let you walk all over me
Thinking it'd be worth it in the end
Thinking I'd have some kind of trophy
To show for my torment 
Oh, the nights I spent wondering
Why there was no knock on that door
With you, drenched in all your pain
On the other side 
You found a new love so quickly
And still my innocence didn't understand 
You moved on in a week
And yet, my heart didn't join those dots 
Almost a year has come and passed 
And only now
With a heavy heart
And with all my shattered dreams 
In my hands 
Do I finally realize 




I broke my own heart









Dilz

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Kisses.

The shortest little story
You and me
Days of texts
And nights of kisses
Kisses filled with passion
Soft kisses on cheeks
Fingers laced
Shirt buttons
Undone
My hair blowing
In the wind
Your smile on
My every move
Laughter
Ringing through
Drunken memories
No, we weren't forever
Not written in the sand
Or sailing rolled up
In old wine bottles
But your Old Monk kisses
My smeared lipstick 
That look in your eyes
When you fell for my dreams
My naive notions
And soulmate goals
Bitten lips
Soft touches
Running down my hips
Bodies pressed 
Against each other
My heavy breath
On your skin
Oh, but baby
I remember those kisses
So full
So long
So soft
My feet off the ground








Dilz

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Synchronised.

It's been a while since I was able to bring myself
To string words together to create
Some kind of presentable paragraph

Staring at white walls
And wishing I could drown them
In my millions of molecule thoughts

Worries
Sadness
Calm
Chaos.

Still staring
Still lost
Still wanting so desperately to write
Write away this confusion
This unknown tug of war

But still lost for words
Lost for sentences

Lost for organised thoughts
Synchronised swimming kind of

Togetherness.

Dilz