Monotony Of Dreaming.

Wet pavements and droplets of rain hanging from balcony grills. 

It's such a quiet Monday night, with no stars in the sky and barely any traffic on the roads. Looking up at the sky, all that exists are blinking lights of an aeroplane flying over and I wonder... I wonder where the people in it are going. Who's going on vacation, who had to leave their family behind and go on a business trip, or who is starting a new life for themselves and have those butterflies in their stomach that you get just before you do something big... Something monumentally life altering...

Here I am, sitting in this home, going to a monotonous job everyday, selling the same shoes and complimenting customers the same way I had done the day before, just wishing I could suddenly stumble upon my true calling one day, stumble upon what I'm meant to do for the rest of my life. That one thing that will define every choice I ever make for the rest of my life.

Instead, everyday I'm a worry wart. A knot of unsurity and fears. 

Worrying about the happiness of the people in my home

Worrying about whether I will ever be enough.

Whether I will ever discover that I am sickeningly blessed with a talent of some sort. 

That I have that one thing that other people wish they did, that one thing that I did so well that every one else felt inconsequential to even try.

Hoping that my family will be okay, always

I often see a man in a hut with his two little girls and his wife cooking dinner over a wood fire. And, with his minimal income, every day he brings home a treat for his girls. It could be a little bottle of Cola or two bars of Dairy Milk chocolate, but he never came home empty handed.

I envy that man. I envy their home. Their wholeness. I envy the beauty hidden in their simplicity and the honesty in their little laughs. 

As for me, it's back to work tomorrow and back to daily monotony. 

Sigh... Just like that, my single, weekly off is over and it's back to a store full of shoes I can't afford.

Another day of grimy auto rides and Colbie Caillat blaring in my headphones as I map out more dreams for myself.

Being a hopeless dreamer is starting to seem like a real thing for me now. 

Oh well, time to watch re-runs of Sex And The City with my beautiful Mommy and then try and sleep well tonight... And try and block out unwanted scenes from The Conjuring *shudders*

Dilz

Monsoon Musings

Colbie Caillat.

Letting this one sooth away my doubts on this rainy Wednesday night





Dilz

Skeletons.

What do you do when you make a mistake you can't take back?

A mistake that would ruin a lot of good things, if anyone was to ever find out.

People say that women are capable of carrying very heavy things their whole life, without anyone ever finding out.

That, I think, might just be the case with me and my secret.

I guess that's my weight for the next few decades that I'm around. That's my burden. All I can hope is that this skeleton finds a way to always stay in the closet.

...

Dilz

Camera Love.

Both my loves in one picture.

Florals & a selfie.

Dilz

Heart Broken.

Some losses make the world a little less bright...

Such is the loss of Robin Williams.

A beautiful soul lost too soon.

Joseph Gordon Levitt

This man.

So perfect.

Florals!

Ohemgee! The joy of a new floral background!

The unmentionable, uncontainable joy!


Florals are the color of my soul... Print of my soul?

..You get the picture.


FLORALS!





Dilz

Taylor Swift - Begin Again.

My earworm right now... Bliss





Dilz

Wonderings.

So it's my day off, finally. Once a week it comes around and I always procrastinate about doing my nails and today I managed to get around to it. Whoop!

To make myself feel a little bit more badass, I decided to use a color called "Devil's Advocate"... who's wild now... Ha!

Anyway, so recently I try not to let my thoughts wander to my recent heart break... And though I've been strong enough, and it's been a couple months now since he vanished from my life, still every now and again I wonder.

I wonder if people are right and I'm a fool for still believing in soulmates and true love and prince charming. I wonder if in this day and age I'm pushing my luck by thinking that those things are just around the corner for me and when I find him, he'll be wonderful and charming and funny and he'll think I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread and he'll think I'm funny in a way that the last one didn't. He'll appreciate my love for miniature things and he'll see reason in my passion for anything with sugar in it.

Taylor swift blasting on my headphones and Devil's Advocate on my nails and all I can think of is how this cool Bangalore air is starting to make me feel like love. I feel like holding hands in the rain, and drinking chai at the local tea stall and dancing in the little drizzles that come after a huge monsoon shower. I want someone to call me at 12 in the night and ask me to put on a sweater and come downstairs, because he wants to take me for a drive and just talk about life... To tell me he's so horribly in love with me that nothing makes sense if I'm not around.

But, for now I shall settle for jammies, Taylor Swift, butter chicken, biryani and my good old friend, Old Monk.

Dilz

18 Shennanigans!

 This little nugget of mine turns 18 today!


 Sigh... I feel old.




 Dilz

Time.

There was a time, where life fell into perfect stanzas and love only meant making a plan and kissing in the rain. Bangalore monsoons had a beautiful way of engulfing everything in damp simplicity.

Earning money meant pocket money that was just enough to be able to afford a quarter of Old Monk every Saturday night, and a plate of chat the next day, to try and drown out the rum, with a girlfriend while you reminiscence on drunken memories and uncontrollable laughter.

Days have kind of decided to roll themselves into the next one as I get into an auto every morning and follow that same route to work everyday.

Love only exists in my dreams for now, of a soulmate that is yet to be found, and an all encompassing love that is yet to be experienced. A kiss that will change everything. Or a brush of an arm that'll give me goosebumps... What juvenile expectations. Oh, how wonderful.

Girlfriends still keep me sane, though. So many years later, and so many drunken memories made... My girls got my back. (Even if they might change from time to time)

Dilz

New things.

Old passions reignited in the form of a new blog. Same messy thoughts and jigsawed ideas, but arranged a little more fluently on new (cyber) pages.

Humour me :-)

A selfie, to cement my commitment.

Dilz