Dear Heart,
Why can’t I ever let anything be when it’s reached its
expiration date? Why do I need to keep prodding and trying to revive something
that has no life left?
Why can’t I understand when it’s time to leave something
where it is and walk away.
2 years have passed and I’ve revived the same ending at
least 4 times to try and ensure that I can do something to keep it from breaking.
When will I learn that situations change, ideals change,
dreams change, but people don’t.
So many years I have spent believing that if I love someone
enough they will not do anything hurtful, if I give enough, I’m safe from pain.
But, it is actually the opposite. The more I invest, the
closer I am to being irreversibly hurt.
So this time I’m going to put myself last, and put you
first.
And this is why, this is my apology to you.
I’m sorry my truest companion, for putting you through
battles even before you had healed from your previous dance with a devil.
I’m sorry for making you the armor for fights that were not
your fault.
I’m sorry for not having your back the way you have had mine
over all these years.
Men have waltzed in and out of my life and every time, you
have been left in pieces when you trusted me to keep you safe.
You have never let me down, or given up on my sorry self.
Never have you complained or let me believe you can’t do
this anymore.
Every time I believe someone was my walking fairytale, you
came along with me for the ride even though you knew it was going to involve a
crash landing.
I’m sorry my heart, for not listening.
I’m sorry for not being more aware of what you need.
I’m sorry that we have to do this again and pick up already
shattered pieces.
I’m sorry that along the way you’ve lost some of the
stardust that made you what you are.
But most of all, I’m sorry for not being the best friend I
promised to be.
The best friend that you have always been to me.
You held up your end of the deal, and it’s time that I held
up mine.
Let’s take this one last painful journey together, heal each
other, and revive our old friendship.
And my promise to you will be only one, next time it’ll all
be different.
Next time will be beautiful, I promise.
Please forgive me.
Regards,
Yours forever.
Dilz