Wet pavements and droplets of rain hanging from balcony grills.
It's such a quiet Monday night, with no stars in the sky and barely any traffic on the roads. Looking up at the sky, all that exists are blinking lights of an aeroplane flying over and I wonder... I wonder where the people in it are going. Who's going on vacation, who had to leave their family behind and go on a business trip, or who is starting a new life for themselves and have those butterflies in their stomach that you get just before you do something big... Something monumentally life altering...
Here I am, sitting in this home, going to a monotonous job everyday, selling the same shoes and complimenting customers the same way I had done the day before, just wishing I could suddenly stumble upon my true calling one day, stumble upon what I'm meant to do for the rest of my life. That one thing that will define every choice I ever make for the rest of my life.
Instead, everyday I'm a worry wart. A knot of unsurity and fears.
Worrying about the happiness of the people in my home
Worrying about whether I will ever be enough.
Whether I will ever discover that I am sickeningly blessed with a talent of some sort.
That I have that one thing that other people wish they did, that one thing that I did so well that every one else felt inconsequential to even try.
Hoping that my family will be okay, always
I often see a man in a hut with his two little girls and his wife cooking dinner over a wood fire. And, with his minimal income, every day he brings home a treat for his girls. It could be a little bottle of Cola or two bars of Dairy Milk chocolate, but he never came home empty handed.
I envy that man. I envy their home. Their wholeness. I envy the beauty hidden in their simplicity and the honesty in their little laughs.
As for me, it's back to work tomorrow and back to daily monotony.
Sigh... Just like that, my single, weekly off is over and it's back to a store full of shoes I can't afford.
Another day of grimy auto rides and Colbie Caillat blaring in my headphones as I map out more dreams for myself.
Being a hopeless dreamer is starting to seem like a real thing for me now.
Oh well, time to watch re-runs of Sex And The City with my beautiful Mommy and then try and sleep well tonight... And try and block out unwanted scenes from The Conjuring *shudders*
Dilz
