Why?

A Predator Of Purity

Days roll into the next and weeks pass

We both know you’re running out of games to play

And routes to take, to try and break my strength

Trust turned to betrayal and only now I realize

That you just needed fresh blood and raw flesh

To feed your hunger for heartbreak

To nourish your starving, tainted soul

Hollow promises you whispered to me in the dead of the night

And by the next morning, a broken mirage of what ifs

These word games you play, these jumbled riddles

Looping through my tired heart like barbed wire

The fierceness of your façade screams at me now

Empty eyes of a man without a purpose

A smile on your face, a mask to hide the shades of your darkness

My naïve soul thought it had found a friend

A place to rest its broken wings and heal it’s tired roots

You spoke of love that seemed bigger than my being

You spoke of depth that even the oceans would be jealous of

And I fell, I let myself fall, in the unknown abyss that is your heart

Or at least the outline of where a heart should have been

The ease with which you changed lanes and left me behind

Not a care in the world, or remorse on your lips

Now I’m left with the pungent taste of your empty kisses

The rancid smell of your skin lingers on me still

Run before it’s too late, they said

Save yourself before you’re in too deep, they said

Oh, but my foolish heart didn’t listen

Their words rolled off of me like glass beads

And now all I stand on are shattered pieces

Trying desperately to sew together gaping wounds

Only after all this time do I recognize your kind

A thief in the night, a predator of purity

A gambler of hearts

A perfectionist at deceit

Dilz

You Deserve Me, Like I Deserve You.

Your words lay heavy on my heart
And my soul rests peacefully in your smile
Laced fingers and soft kisses
Stolen glances and forbidden forevers
We made mayhem but we were magic
We made passion, we made secret sin
You speak of a love that I have never known
You look at me with eyes that feel like home
Soulmates don't exist in the realms of reality
But they do exist in the silence between you and me
Conversations till 5 in the morning
Of what this could be and what we could mean
The surity in your voice
Of castles you've built, with dreams of you and I
I deserve you, like you deserve me
Those words you said lay on my skin
Like dewdrops from the rain of our forever
And now I know
Just like a river flows to the sea
Just like caged birds are meant to be free
Like words fail what your eyes have given me





You and I are meant to be





Dilz

I Hope.

Hushed laughter in quaint ice cream parlors

The way that striped shirt rested 

In the curve of your shoulders

Glances exchanged

And nervousness exhaled

We knew each other for a year

And it took all those months of nothing

To finally find our secret garden of somethings

Riding through quiet lanes

Sharing infinities without even realizing 

You came out of nowhere and my world changed

With your shy smile and quick wit

Your warm hands and full heart

You understood me

And I, you

Our souls danced in the darkness

And our hearts tied themselves into a dream

Our love so forbidden

The world did not understand

Judgmental eyes

And disapproving anger

They will never get it

What you do to me

What I feel when I'm with you

My most beautiful mistake

That secret sin

My comfort now lies

In 20 days of every memory we made

Soft kisses 

And hidden love bites

Old Monk in our veins

We drowned in love

And I came back to life

Every time the phone rang

And I again found solace

In the calm of your voice

And the way you said my name

Or spoke of our future

I miss you now

And I wish our story was understood

I wish they didn't care

And I wish they saw you the way I do 

But if ever

In a different time

Under different circumstances

Our story can still be told with truth

And with the love it deserves

I hope you will still knock on my door

And I hope against all odds

When that day comes,

They welcome you with arms of joy

And the grace to know that you are mine. 

Dilz 

I Broke My Own Heart.

The first showers of this year
Have found their place
In the crevices of old pavements 
In the curves of dusty leaves
Little pieces of my mixed up soul
Lay like crystal on my skin
At the depth of little droplets
I lay to rest this year of pain
These long months of loneliness
And dried up hurt on my pillow
My mind still drifts 
To a place where your memory still exists
The place where that wedding dress
Is hanging right near that home
And all those whispered I love yous
In all these months 
My phone didn't ring once
I planned for your weak moments
But they never did come
I've forgotten what you look like now
And my heart is learning to forget your touch
Accepting truth has been my greatest achievement 
In the light of my loss of you
Sitting at old tea stalls
Wondering what I missed
And where I missed it
Standing at bus stops
And tears roll down without warning 
Hiding my pain in long sweater sleeves 
Knowing now, you never loved me
Oh baby, what a fool for you I'd been
Promises you spewed like they were nothing
And my naive soul fluttering 
At the thought of all that you could mean
So quickly I let myself fall 
So many of your tests 
I was willing to work to pass
Ignoring the words you spoke
Of how my weakness was unlovable 
How I let you walk all over me
Thinking it'd be worth it in the end
Thinking I'd have some kind of trophy
To show for my torment 
Oh, the nights I spent wondering
Why there was no knock on that door
With you, drenched in all your pain
On the other side 
You found a new love so quickly
And still my innocence didn't understand 
You moved on in a week
And yet, my heart didn't join those dots 
Almost a year has come and passed 
And only now
With a heavy heart
And with all my shattered dreams 
In my hands 
Do I finally realize 




I broke my own heart









Dilz

Kisses.

The shortest little story
You and me
Days of texts
And nights of kisses
Kisses filled with passion
Soft kisses on cheeks
Fingers laced
Shirt buttons
Undone
My hair blowing
In the wind
Your smile on
My every move
Laughter
Ringing through
Drunken memories
No, we weren't forever
Not written in the sand
Or sailing rolled up
In old wine bottles
But your Old Monk kisses
My smeared lipstick 
That look in your eyes
When you fell for my dreams
My naive notions
And soulmate goals
Bitten lips
Soft touches
Running down my hips
Bodies pressed 
Against each other
My heavy breath
On your skin
Oh, but baby
I remember those kisses
So full
So long
So soft
My feet off the ground








Dilz

Synchronised.

It's been a while since I was able to bring myself
To string words together to create
Some kind of presentable paragraph

Staring at white walls
And wishing I could drown them
In my millions of molecule thoughts

Worries
Sadness
Calm
Chaos.

Still staring
Still lost
Still wanting so desperately to write
Write away this confusion
This unknown tug of war

But still lost for words
Lost for sentences

Lost for organised thoughts
Synchronised swimming kind of

Togetherness.

Dilz