Laid To Rest

When we break down in shards and not in flowers, when we create a warzone and not a meadow, how can I still be stupid enough to wish for you?

When frustration replaces love and anger replaces joy, that is usually an indication to pack your bags and look for greener pastures. But, somehow the smell of you and the comfort of your arms are all I want… Or so I seem to believe.

Pungent what ifs and melancholic maybes are all we have left in this chess game of forbidden possibilities. You were the king, but you took my role as the queen too seriously. As days passed and I kept protecting you, I somehow lost my sense of self and my ability to be enough for me. What should have been an equal relationship suddenly turned into a one way street that sent me crashing into a reality that I never planned for.

Skin on skin, we created the only magic I’ve ever known. Forbidden kisses left on my hopeful lips while our fingers trace my every outline, I fell for you so deep with no harness to protect me. With no you at the end to catch me.

Like dew drops lay on barren leaves, your smell lingers on me after all this time. Your signature scent mixed so perfectly with the smell of freshly smoked cigarettes. Your skin tells a story that my soul is not willing to forget. No one can kiss these pained lips like you can, no one can fix and break me all at the same time, like you have.

Why?

The universe lets out a sigh every time our fingers touch or our smiles dance. Almost like it knows we’re about to create sin all over again. My mind says no and my body starts to tremble but for some reason my heart walks every path that could lead me back to you.

Why?

Eyes that have seen harshness and hands that can caress my every fear into comfort. Our worlds don’t fit but somehow I feel like our souls do. So easily you slid into my universe and changed its colors. So completely my eyes laid to rest what my heart already knew. Weeks have passed and long nights have gone by with me staring at my phone. That one call or one message, that one indication that I run through your mind just as much as you race through mine.

My love, you have changed my world. And as much as I never wanted to admit such failure or accept such helplessness, you have laced your being through my every thought, my every inch and I will never again be the same.