Thursday, April 20, 2017

Me Over You

Sleeping for half an hour every night

Making friends with the midnight owl

Asking questions to the stars

And leaving hopes on the corner of dark clouds

Telling myself I dodged a bullet

But wondering where all that forever love went

Thinking you were the love of my life

Making plans before making peace

You poison words have dug themselves deep into my soul

I thought you were a lover, but all I see now is a monster

Fangs out and claw marks on my heart

I promised myself I wouldn’t let a devil in again

I let myself believe empty, beautiful words

And I suddenly became the doormat to your home of pain

I said goodbye and you said “make sure you think about this twice”

But baby, don't for a second be fooled

In a hundred lifetimes, with a thousand thoughts


I will still always choose me over you.





Dilz

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Dear Heart

Dear Heart,

Why can’t I ever let anything be when it’s reached its expiration date? Why do I need to keep prodding and trying to revive something that has no life left?
Why can’t I understand when it’s time to leave something where it is and walk away.
2 years have passed and I’ve revived the same ending at least 4 times to try and ensure that I can do something to keep it from breaking.
When will I learn that situations change, ideals change, dreams change, but people don’t.
So many years I have spent believing that if I love someone enough they will not do anything hurtful, if I give enough, I’m safe from pain.
But, it is actually the opposite. The more I invest, the closer I am to being irreversibly hurt.
So this time I’m going to put myself last, and put you first.
And this is why, this is my apology to you.

I’m sorry my truest companion, for putting you through battles even before you had healed from your previous dance with a devil.
I’m sorry for making you the armor for fights that were not your fault.
I’m sorry for not having your back the way you have had mine over all these years.
Men have waltzed in and out of my life and every time, you have been left in pieces when you trusted me to keep you safe.
You have never let me down, or given up on my sorry self.
Never have you complained or let me believe you can’t do this anymore.
Every time I believe someone was my walking fairytale, you came along with me for the ride even though you knew it was going to involve a crash landing.
I’m sorry my heart, for not listening.
I’m sorry for not being more aware of what you need.
I’m sorry that we have to do this again and pick up already shattered pieces.
I’m sorry that along the way you’ve lost some of the stardust that made you what you are.
But most of all, I’m sorry for not being the best friend I promised to be.
The best friend that you have always been to me.
You held up your end of the deal, and it’s time that I held up mine.
Let’s take this one last painful journey together, heal each other, and revive our old friendship.
And my promise to you will be only one, next time it’ll all be different.

Next time will be beautiful, I promise.

Please forgive me.

Regards,

Yours forever.






Dilz