A Lonely Heart

Dusty records lined up neat on an old shelf
You I danced to the rhythm of your silence
Our forever mapped out on a bar tissue paper
But then a storm knocked and you became past tense

Now I sit and count all the red flags
Wondering how I missed all the signs
How silly I was, to believe you’d give me your name
Now I know better than to think you were mine

Jumping into your arms that felt like home
I forgot to make room for your past failures
Tying my love onto your tired, sleepy eyes
I should have stopped before saying I was sure

White curtains and comfy old rugs
We were supposed to fight over cushions
Floral bed covers and your socks on the sofa
Who knew this was a nightmare I wasn’t going to win

And then the tides got higher
And your ‘I love you’ started to fade
There were too many lonely nights
And this story was filling up with hate

I wish I heard the tired in your tasteless love
The one from 2 cold winters ago
If only I paid attention to the details
Not of forever, but of me on my own

I was the girl with her head on straight
But I guess with you I didn’t know how to be smart
Baby, I wish someone would’ve told you
Not to be so reckless with a lonely heart

Diya Vasuraj

Dear Universe

Dear Universe,

I hope this letter finds you well, but I’m afraid all I have for our talk tonight is a heavy heart and tired eyes.

I would complain less and want less and believe more, if you could just help me understand why you do the things you do? You have lessons planned for my life that I’m unsure if I’m equipped for. But then again, you wouldn’t hand out anything I can’t handle… Now would you?

I sit here tonight with no wants of my own, but to ask you if you can ease their load? Could you please hand them out more peace and less misery? More joy and less pain? More laughter and no tears?

I want you to know something that I have come to realize, a broken heart is easier to mend than a dismantled soul and you’re pushing too hard. You’re banging too loudly on their already crowded minds and heavy pasts.

You and I, we were made together a long time ago, we exist within each other. Like old friends who sing the same song, or letters in a shoebox that tie together stories of two different worlds, that is what we are. But just because they might not know you like I do, doesn’t mean they hope less or fear nothing.

So, before my eyes shut and I wander into a world where everything isn’t as hard as reality so often makes it, I want you to please hear my plea and consider it deeply.

If you so believe that a load must be carried, then please place it on my shoulders and not theirs. If you can’t do me any favours, then at least let me be the only one to bear the burden of your fair play.

So, until we speak again or meet somewhere between the Earth’s soil and the sky’s beginning, I can only hope that you’ll listen and you’ll hear and you’ll heal.

Yours,

D

Star Crossed Strangers

When the cold wind blows

And the soft music plays

When the night sky speaks

Then, will you stay?

Maybe not for a lifetime

Maybe not even for a fortnight

But just enough time

For you to become mine

We’ll share stories under stars

And lace fingers in the dark

We’ll kiss and tell secrets

And finally, we’ll exchange hearts

Keep mine safe and sound

Because it’s heavier than you know

And I’ll sing songs to yours

Of two lovers that felt like home

And someday if our paths cross again

I’ll be exactly where you left me

But if you never are to come around

Just know, we were always meant to be.

- Diya Vasuraj - 

The Shore

The years have created a ring round you

A tidal wave of what didn’t go right

If you’re tired from the world’s weight

Let your soul rest a while with mine

We hold hands into the abyss of filth

And I protect you with my heart

Your being has succumbed to the struggle

And I’m exhausted from this path

Our roads will forever be intertwined

And I will never let you slip

But my love, let’s sit down a while

I think I’m starting to lose my grip

The nights I have been angry with God

Our peace nestled under street lamps

This roller-coaster is built on trust 

But all I do is prepare for when we can’t

I've failed you so many times

But you’ve hurt me for more  

It's time to swim away, please let me drown

For my demons are waiting on the shore

- Diya Vasuraj -

My Dear

Pungent and heavy

Are the dreams built on lies

Deceiving and eerie

Are the minds that work behind

We aren’t pawns

In a game larger than ourselves

We aren’t puppets

In a world built on what’s unfair

Make a name for yourself, they said

Make your family proud

But a name I already have

It’s the one that stand out in a crowd

Tainted souls make for poor leaders

And wishful sheep herd along

But the wolf lives in my mirror

Your downfall won’t make a sound

Don’t worry about me

Or what I might do with my life

Worry about yourself, honey

Because falls exist, but first comes pride

I don’t expect you to understand

The thinking that comes with being great

Don’t let mediocrity bring you down

It’s written in the lines of your fate

So the next time you come around

Just know you’re not welcome here

For my circle is my sacred place

And you’re too tarnished, my dear

- Diya Vasuraj - 

The Same Goodbye

Sometimes, on warm sunny days

I go back to when we were young

You were my whole heart

And I was the entirety of your world

We kissed on crowded streets

And made love in the afternoon

We were on the same side

And our dreams included one another

I was young and innocent, with demons to match

You were older and tainted, but naïve at best

The streets told our limitless story

While old pubs become memory boxes

Oh, how I wish to feel like that again

Back when we were young and restless

The years have soon come to pass

And we haven’t spoken for all of them

Heart break was the root of this story

But you and I threw caution to the wind

I wonder where you are these days

And if you remember those long nights 

Me in your arms, under the stars

As we danced to the music of the sky

I’m not the girl I used to be

But you might still be the boy I left behind

I’m a woman of different capabilities

Are you the man I’d warned you of?

Sometimes, this city brings you back to me

One moment at a time

Sometimes I hear you through the chaos

I remember the days you were mine

You’ve been in love since then

And to be honest, so have I

But never like that again

I can’t do the same goodbye twice.

- Diya Vasuraj - 

My Beautiful Mother

Dear Mama,

The hand you’ve been dealt has never been easy but with grace you have turned misery to milestones every time. You have seen a life that is rooted in hard work and yet you have only presented joy to my siblings and I.

There are few people that come into this world unacquainted with their own power, you are one of them. You are kind and soft like a flower, more fierce than a lioness, a mother beyond compare and my bestest friend. The years have left no scars in your ability to love and have showcased a phoenix with limitless passion.

Where once grew weeds, you made gardens. Where lay my insecurities, you nurtured confidence. Your tears lay silently on your pillow some nights, but yet every morning we were greeted with the warmest smile.

You cut ties with hunger so we could be full, you lied with a ‘I don’t want it, it’s yours’ so we always got the last bite. When naysayers gave us sleepless nights, you sang to us till we closed our eyes. When friends turned to foe you showed us how if we have each other, we need nothing more.

My sweet mother, you are not your demons, but your dreams. And you are more than we deserve in this life of what could be.

The Earth is a better place because you have walked on its ground and watered it’s soil with your heart.

I love you, now and forever.

- Diya Vasuraj - 

Memory Lane

Shattered glass carpets the floor

There’s a shape of your fist in the wall

Still, my sun rose in your eyes everyday

              

               But there were sunsets on our horizon                                                                    

The games began with a clink of our glasses

A battle of who could be more cruel

Empty rum bottles lined up neatly in a row

But empty words caress our world

Spewing ‘I hate you’s and ‘fuck you!’s

All for that sweet taste of an occasional ‘I love you’

Your soul had darkness, while mine needed light

But through it all, you were home to my heart

Running around this city at 2AM

Whiskey on your breath and you on mine

We were young and reckless

You were unsure and morbid

While making this work was all I wanted

We thought we had all the answers

Writing notes of forever on crumpled papers

Years have passed and so much has gone

As I look in my rear-view mirror once more

I see you in those same old clothes covered in ego

Still a bottle in hand and that dark wit

You still know best, as you always have

But you no longer possess this punching bag

I see the darkness in your eyes still

As you bite your tongue trying not to be brutal

No, my damaged, old love

You sure haven’t changed even a bit

But I have, over these very many years

And if you need convincing, I’m not interested

Because for every time you said I was nothing

The universe stitched together my favourite something

I pray this land can bare the burden of your being

Because only when the lights went out on us

Did I finally understand what all of this actually means

- Diya Vasuraj -

Silly Girl

Running in circles

Making love to the devil

Dreaming in stanzas

Bells strung on this nightmare

Silly girl

He’s not yours to hold

A thief in the night

His heart is cold

Do you still sit by your phone

Hoping it’ll ring?

Are you always only half asleep

Because what if it’s him?

Waking up with memories playing on repeat

Wondering when it’ll stop

He’s like turpentine to your veins

But how do you give up your favourite home?  

Those long talks till the break of dawn

Have slowly become you, your diary and a pen

 Laced fingers and synchronized smiles

Have now turned into a tiresome waiting game

Silly girl, he’s not yours anymore

He belongs only to the moon and the universe

His heart doesn’t beat for you like it used to

You should be glad all you have is a broken heart

Because it could have been a lot worse.  

- Diya Vasuraj - 

I'll Be Waiting

You were a whisper

Many years ago

You came in with the breeze

And stayed like a dream

I haven’t met you yet

But oh, how I want to

We haven’t shared our stories

But you’re my favourite truth

Let it go, they say

You’re not real, they urge

But our souls know what they don’t

My heart knows you’ll come soon

Somewhere in this world

I’m sure you dream of me too

In a nook on this earth

You hold the half to our forever

The day you come for me

And when the universe calls our number

Just know that I’ll be waiting

Because my love, we’re perfect together

- Diya Vasuraj -