Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Fickle Feelings.

What is the logic behind being attracted to unavailability?
How do you curb feelings that should ideally be attached to reason but have perched themselves on the branches of dreams?
The same circle, a different time, a different lesson, the same life.
1+0 does not equal to 2… Seems like the notion is alien, but the probability is real.
Eyes meet with a one sided need for it to end in a hug… Maybe a kiss… Too much? How about the occasional midnight text?
Self doubt turning into nights of ‘it could be’ and waking up with ‘this is never going to happen.’
Maybe a hobby will help or an extra deadline to beat the thoughts that lead nothing.
My heart knows this game, the only difference is that now my soul resonates warnings rather than ‘we’ll deal with the bad later.’
Not at all ready to gamble away years of lessons and weary stances
There’s no method to this madness and no love to this logic
Oh man… Thank the good Lord there’s no love involved.
I mean, who’s ever ready to go ahead and do some construction of heart cracks all over again
Weirdly enough, with age, they take a lot longer to harden and get back to the usual
Right, time to lock it away. Swallow the key like I will my fickle feelings.





dilz

Friday, October 6, 2017

All Woman.

Wounds come and people go
Years pass and then some more
Scars form from what we know
And the seed of truth learns to grow

Walls are built and homes are tarnished
Words are said and promises vanish
Souls of resentment are often banished
Slowly but surely hopes diminish

Secrets too heavy for a 16 year old to bear
A little girl made to silence her fears
Her innocent eyes see demons crystal clear
But her angels don’t seem to be anywhere near

Now 26 her words are her weapon
So much older, but still a child from within
Learning to forgive what weren’t her sins
Starting to embrace everyday wins

Every life has a purpose, she has come to realize
Every sinner has a punishment for his lies
She is now a warrior who doesn’t need to hide
Gaining strength from her new found pride

23 years of carrying weights too heavy
Decades have past and made her weary
But from the ashes a phoenix is ready
To make peace with the past and release the negativity

No more pills or blunt blades
No more empty glass bottles or full sleeved drapes
It’s time to let go of all the self hate
For she is not a victim but one of the greats

Let it be known that her veins pump iron
For within the timid lies a siren
Have no doubt she’s risen from ruin

Make no mistake, she’s all woman.    






Dilz

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Coffin Of Memories

I can’t put your name to paper anymore
I can’t walk into pubs looking for your face
They say you come by sometimes
With a new love on your arm
You never ask about me, from what I know
And I always wonder where’d you go
Hearts that were once home
Have now become abandoned mansions
Of loss and regret
Keeping up with this game of who’s fine
I forgot that maybe you really could be
Stealing moments from my memory
And creating situations where we meet
Letting go seems harder than I thought
And holding on is starting to tire me out
The coffin is in the ground
But I can’t find the strength to pick up the shovel
Mud laden memories just don’t sit well with me
But then again

It’s not like you ever did either.






Dilz

Thursday, August 24, 2017

I Will Always Fucking Do It Better.

Talking big about me
On some weak email
Think you can scare me
With empty threats
But guess what?
You’ve met your match
No wait, let me correct myself
You’ve met your superior

I come with skill
That you can only dream of
I harbor power
The kind that keeps you up at night
That’s right
I’ll haunt your dreams
I’ll scare your nightmares
You’ve picked the wrong fight
I’m going to show you how it’s done right

I smile and say hello
But you pushed me
So now I’m going to laugh
And watch you wallow
You can talk the talk (not well, if I might add)
But you fail to walk the walk
I don’t talk so big
But I create footprints
That throw dust to your wind

What was it you said?
I’m not good enough?
Boy, watch yourself
I’m here to drag you through the mud
Someone should’ve warned you
You’re not supposed to wake beasts
Bu then again
I can’t expect more from the weak

Self righteous jabs only get you so far
You spoke of saying shit for my good
Am I right?
Watch me do what you can’t
And kick you straight out of this hood

I don’t forget
And there’s no way I forgive
I’m a fucking fighter
And you should be lucky
I let you fucking live

I run this game
And you’re not even a player
I roll with the aces
So the next time you decide to put pen to paper
Remember
I will always fucking do it better!





Vasuraj OUT. *mic drop*







Dilz

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

The Burdens Of A Whole Heart

Is it a hope that changes heaven and Earth? Or is it a notion?

I'm starting to steer away from that line as it blurs in the distance of what I thought I knew 

Worlds laid to rest and lives let loose of the noose of tainted love 

Playing back drunken midnight conversations, trying to piece together what was left behind 

Iron bars barricade all the joy that I poured into another heart

Funny thing certainty without a warranty can be. 

The things you feel you are capable of achieving even without a safety net 

The words that you so easily believe because... Why not? 

Understanding as a person, trying to make sense to a soul 

I betrayed myself so steadily and with so much conviction

I can no longer find what it was that I left behind 

What it was that let me believe in things that were left in the sky 

Time goes by as slowly as it wants to and I leave a trail 

Of lessons and pick up little bits of wisdom like a parched dessert 

Looking for a semblance of moisture to heal these cracks 

How time teaches us what we need to learn, but what we maybe never had to 

How a heart bares a burden larger than it's being and walks away whole 

Hopeful as ever, bashful with faith, and full of more love to give. 



I'm almost ready. 







Dilz 

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

When Will It Be Over?

I’m 5 days away from 2 months
And I still can’t see any signs of a scar
Wounds still wide open, feelings gush out without warning
I spent 2 years filling an empty glass, wondering when you would too
Blue skies have changed to grey and the monsoon is here again
I remember the rains last year and how I was wrapped up in your arms
The curve of your lips, the strength of your hands, the depth of your voice
The softness of your kisses, the music of your laughter
Times goes by so slowly but sometimes too fast
Your doormat was everything I every gave you
And my home was every silence you never got through
Broken bricks lay down the path of invisible healing
I take 5 steps forward and then a 100 steps back
I cross my legs and remember when you laid your head on my lap
I close my eyes and remember when we fell asleep under the stars
I let the water run over me under the shower
And remember every time you wrapped the towel around me
Memories clog every future of fine I could have
Too much hurts and too little has healed
You said you’d love me like a child
But all I am now is an orphan searching for a lost heart
Roofs collect the ghosts of my hopeless love
And your life goes on by, like nothing ever changed
My phone never lights up and my ears bleed for the sound of your voice



When will this ever be over?






Dilz

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Just Like That

Just like that you let this go?

My phone never blows up with your drunken nights

And my ever questioning soul can never understand why its best friend vanished, in one night.

But through all this time, all I can wonder is... Why?

Why did you do this to me?

I didn't even deserve a fight?

I didn't deserve even one drunken midnight 'please don't go'?



Dilz