Thursday, June 14, 2018

A New Chapter


Journeys change and new diversions are inevitable. With a lap full of memories, a heart full of wisdom and a soul full of gratitude, I embark on a new adventure. Keeping in mind what matters and what doesn’t, life always has a weird way of surprising me wonderfully.

This world is made up of two people, people who do good without expectation and people who expect without reason. I have met more of the latter but the few formers have made this journey so beautiful.

As the time comes close to pull up my sassy socks and take the big step forward, I can only feel utter gratitude for the life I get to live and the people I get to call mine.

Man it feels good to feel good.


Dilz

Friday, May 4, 2018

A Hopeful Could Be


Someone told me you weren’t real

But my soul somehow knows otherwise

Something about universe vibes

And when it just feels right

I’ve danced with a few souls in my time

Some beautiful, some lost

Some demonic, others just for a moment

But I know I need yours the most

A faceless knight in shining armor

An everyday silent hero

Looking for a heart just like mine

So we both can keep giving more

Fights that go into hopeless romance

Tears that morph into silent laughter

An “I’m home and I miss you already”

Nothing ‘perfect’, just infinitely better

Summers have found their way into monsoon

And browns have joined hands with green

There’s a change in this new breeze

Maybe this is the season you’ll find me

An unsure little mess of memories

A dreamer with the fear of reality

A romantic with a hint of black

But between it all, a hopeful could be








Dilz

Thursday, April 5, 2018

What Is A Life?


A foolish little girl fell flat on her face again. Fall down 7 times, stand up 8? At least that’s how people say you’re supposed to deal with it. You see the thing about conviction in self is that you need to have it regardless of where the opposing opinion comes from. Father, mother, sister, brother, best friend, aunt, uncle, cousin, whoever.

But can you be a walking contradiction of pleasing the ones you love while preparing for a dream they don’t understand? Can you live a happy life like that, or is it doomed from the start? Do they REALLY not understand or is that a convenient opinion?

The thing about scars is that, while you might not make the cut on yourself, you’re still forced to carry the scar of someone else’s self hate. You see when you cut yourself, you know how that scar is going to look. So if you want a scar that’ll fade, you do a hairline cut and if you are okay with a scar that will stay, then you dig a little deeper.

But the thing about cuts that other people control is that they cut as deep as they want depending on how much self loathing they possess. Or as soft as they like depending on how much love they have for your existence. Since they don’t need to feel the pinch of the blade, the frivolity with which it is used is seldom changed.

We grow into adults with thoughts different from each others’. Different needs, different hopes, different wants, different childhoods, different demons, different angels but one need. Love.

How can you expect a tree to grow, where the seed has not yet been watered? Like a cactus saves its resources, we save our hearts. No not that boy, not that family, he can’t have that job, not that car, not that attitude, not that sense of style, not that kind of humor.

We forget it’s just one life. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, and just like that we’re all gone. An entire life of memories, living, breathing, laughing, eating, hoping, praying, gone in a second. Then you become a memory, a used to be, a once upon a time, a story.

So the little time we have on this Earth, what is the right way to spend it? Thinking everything through? Making only informed decisions? Listening to logic before love? Pleasing people we love before our own hearts? Listening to reason and not ridiculous could bes?

I don’t know how to possess the strength enough to know better and do better and make the ones I love happy all at the same time.

But then again, is that a life?






Dilz

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Note To Self

My darling iron butterfly,

I know under normal circumstances you would have gotten the first of these letters at a later stage, but somehow you have lived a world of experiences far too old for someone as young as you, a bit too early.

It’s January 10th 2018, and I think it’s finally time for you to know what and who you truly are. The world has left its infinite amount of bruises, scrapes and cuts on you but you turned them into beautiful scars without losing your ability to dream.

Men came and monsters left, but through it all you always loved hard and long. At the tender age of 15, 16  and up until 24 you held onto people who weren’t meant to stay and lost more than just your sense of peace along the way.

I take full responsibility for forcing you to grow up beyond your years and giving you secrets to carry that were too heavy for your innocence to understand. At 16 I forced you to endure the abuse of a man who didn’t look at you as a person and for that, I am so very sorry. I allowed you to be traded as change for his ever growing ego and the price you paid was one that would never be replaceable.

Years passed and I further forced you to interact with people who didn’t deserve to be in your presence, who didn’t value your grace, belittled your strength, abused your beauty and for that  I don’t think sorry will ever suffice.

But my beautiful darling, you are more than I have allowed you to give yourself credit for and you are greater than even I had an inclining about. You are more woman than I had known and more innocent than the world is used to, but don’t let it go.

You have beautifully taken your experience and created kindness. You have helped me understand what surrendering to God’s plan really is and for that I am forever grateful.

I can’t promise you that you won’t encounter hate again, in all fairness you do every day, but I will never again let you become the doormat to their unfinished inner battles. For this you have my eternal word.

You are an ocean of strength, love, grace, humility, bravery, faith, conviction, instinct, and so much more. But through it all you are beautiful, and you have earned every wave that makes up your never ending depth.

I can’t do much to make you understand how grateful I am for your unwavering friendship and loyalty but remember this, my love… You are beautiful. You are. For all the people who commented, the naysayers that pointed and laughed, the ones that told you not to believe in yourself, you are far above.

I love you, my angel and I hope you have a beautiful year. Until the next time I write you, it’s time for me to have your back for all the years that you’ve had mine, and the ones to follow.

All my love,


Yours. 




Dilz

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

My Muffin

My Muffin,

How has Heaven been treating you so far?
Do your little paws have warm ground to walk on? I remember how the tiles were too cold here
Are the hallways of Heaven lined with kitty treats, or do I need to have a word with God?
The sun’s rays often reflect the gold specks that your eyes had, maybe still have…
And I wonder… Are you happy and at peace? Does Heaven know how lucky it got?
My bed sheets still smells like you and I caught a glimpse of kitty litter sitting by the cupboard the other day.
I still tip toe around this house so as to not step on your little tail
But… It’s starting to get easier, I think?
Did you meet my other baby up there? Are you guys getting along?
She’s got this strong motherly instinct so I’m sure you’re in safe hands (paws)
Don’t worry if you see my 2AM tears, they’re almost involuntary now
And while I miss your whiskers on my lips and your meows in my ear
I’m happy to report that I am mostly… Fine.
Don’t bother about my angry rants at God every now and again
We’ll find our way soon, after all he owes me for getting to keep you
Do you still jump like a jelly bean and run like the wind?
You were my little Forest Gump, the love of my life
Well, I’ll sign off now… Just wanted to know how you were doing
We will meet again, and I’ll tell you stories about this world
While you guide me through what Heaven has been like over the years
Live free up there, my baby and I will try and do the same down here
And whenever you do get the time, visit once in a while… I’ll be awake



All my love, forever and always

See you soon, Angel




Dilz


Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Familiar Strangers

Butterfly breakfasts on the tips of flowers
Gloomy clouds hang on delicate tree tops
The winter breeze whispers little stories
Of late night word vomiting between familiar strangers
Rum on my lips and brandy on yours
Secrets shared in the centre of an old bar
Notes on stained tissue paper
And looks exchanged with words we left unsaid
I spoke a language your soul understood
And you brought a comfort that I couldn’t ignore
Lingering questions on our minds
How did we understand with such ease?
The demons that we both have carried separately
When did I become so sure of what I know?
The pressure that wasted time carries
The burdens that slow healing can bring
You told me secrets of a childhood tainted
I spoke of peace, the kind you’d forgotten
Unsurety in your voice, certainty in mine
You, ever unready to admit you need a hand to hold
Carrying weights too heavy for you to let go
An Earth waiting to be watered
Parched for the feeling of something soulfully familiar
Just two strangers, two glasses, two stories
But one connection, one understanding, infinite maybes… Could bes… If onlys.  






Dilz

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Fickle Feelings.

What is the logic behind being attracted to unavailability?
How do you curb feelings that should ideally be attached to reason but have perched themselves on the branches of dreams?
The same circle, a different time, a different lesson, the same life.
1+0 does not equal to 2… Seems like the notion is alien, but the probability is real.
Eyes meet with a one sided need for it to end in a hug… Maybe a kiss… Too much? How about the occasional midnight text?
Self doubt turning into nights of ‘it could be’ and waking up with ‘this is never going to happen.’
Maybe a hobby will help or an extra deadline to beat the thoughts that lead nothing.
My heart knows this game, the only difference is that now my soul resonates warnings rather than ‘we’ll deal with the bad later.’
Not at all ready to gamble away years of lessons and weary stances
There’s no method to this madness and no love to this logic
Oh man… Thank the good Lord there’s no love involved.
I mean, who’s ever ready to go ahead and do some construction of heart cracks all over again
Weirdly enough, with age, they take a lot longer to harden and get back to the usual
Right, time to lock it away. Swallow the key like I will my fickle feelings.





dilz